Self-Compassion Scripts

Audio version of lesson:

Always do your best doesn’t mean always be perfect. Having compassion for your strengths as well as your flaws is what will make all the difference. 

Now how do we do this? I have a very practical way you can start applying self-compassion right away.

At the end of 2018 I got quite sick, and we weren’t really sure what was happening, there were a lot of painful tests, lots of uncertainty and stress – and my self-compassion script came to the rescue so many times.

You see, the greatest suffering actually occurs when we try to avoid uncomfortable or challenging situations.

But when we choose to acknowledge this suffering and comfort ourselves instead of avoiding it – everything shifts.

So when I was going through another painful procedure or feeling frustrated because we still didn’t know what was going on – I would come back to my self-compassion script and help myself feel just a little bit better.

There are three components of a self-compassion script:

#1 – validation

#2 – comfort

#3 – mindful awareness and experience

If a friend came to you really upset about something you wouldn’t tell them “Just ignore it, everything will be fine.”

You’d validate their feelings, letting them know that ya this really sucks for them and that you’re sorry they’re going through this, you’d give them a hug, comfort them, and hold space for them as they talk it out and figure out what they’re going to do.

With your self-compassion script, you’re going to do the same thing for yourself.

Write it for where you’re at right now on your journey.

How do you feel, which core emotions are coming up for you that you could validate and comfort? These are the emotions that you’ll have been working on releasing with the surrender part of the neurolinguistic reprogramming meditations.

The difference between where you are night now and where you want to be with your identity goal is called your identity gap, which is something we’re going to address in future lessons.

So with where you are at and where you want to be with your identity goal in mind and the emotion that’s being brought up for you, start working through your self-compassion script.

#1 – validation

I am not happy with how my life has been going and I want to make changes, but I acknowledge that it’s challenging and that it’s a lot of work.

#2 – comfort

But I’ve learned that I was operating in default survival mode, with my Inner Critic being in control of my life and my decision making and I accept that I don’t have to keep choosing to live in that pattern. I’ve been doing the best that I can and will continue to do the best that I can by accepting my role as the CEO Objective Observer of my life and choose to take control from here. 

#3 – mindful awareness and experience

Instead of pushing these difficult emotions and inner critic driven negative self-talk down, I’m going to notice what I’m experiencing from the position of this Objective Observer. I do this to learn more about myself, about who I am and who and I am not, and use this information to make decisions aligned with who I am meant to become.

When you’re dealing with something in the abstract like your negative self-talk, see yourself as the Objective Observer watching your life as if you were watching a movie.

You can see the character of you on the screen moving through the sadness, the anger, the frustration, the guilt, the shame – but know those emotions don’t have to overtake you completely. You can still process these emotions without being in the center of the storm.

I’m going to give you another example.

Early in 2019, it was discovered that I had a huge thyroid mass. I had to have it biopsied to see if it was cancer and this meant a very painful procedure where I had a big needle put into the side of my neck.

And so I’m lying there on the bed while the physician is being as gentle as they can, but it was incredibly painful to have this big needle put multiple times into the side of my neck and pulling out tissue samples for testing.

At this time, my self-compassion script looked like this:

Yes, right now this is very painful and uncomfortable and scary. But this is only temporary, it will not be forever and you are capable of breathing through this and you will be okay in just a few more minutes. I choose to access my objective observer now to notice what I’m feeling without attachment so that I can process my fear and pain without being consumed by it. I choose to be in control and I will continue to breathe into the discomfort for the next few minutes.

And then I just took it one minute at a time, reminding myself what I had control over, my mind, my breathing, and my interpretation of this experience.

In the worksheet below, you will craft your own self-compassion script. I encourage you to think of a few situations where you could have used this in the past and write from that space.

Then, the next time you experience difficult emotions, when your inner critic starts speaking up and you struggle to distance yourself from your inner critic, or when something challenging happens in your life – remember to come back to a self-compassion script.

Start by validating that what you’re feeling sucks, it’s awful and unwanted. Then offer some comfort to yourself, just like you would for a dear friend, and then sit back in the seat of the objective observer and practice mindfulness, being curious about what’s happening around how, how you’re feeling, and watching yourself as if you were watching a movie of this experience noticing what’s happening without attachment.

As always if you have any questions or comments, please feel free to let me know. You can comment below, send a message or an email and I’ll be happy to help you out.

Feel free to share one of your self-compassion scripts in the group and encourage another person when they do the same.

I’ll see you in the next lesson.


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